Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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