I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
