So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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