Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
