Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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