woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
