just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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