This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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