Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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