Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
