You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
