then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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