Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
