My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
