Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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