i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
