Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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