As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
