The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize