Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
