btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
