Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
