I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
