i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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