I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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