i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
