i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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