life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
