shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
