i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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