Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i would one night stand the shit outta him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
