Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
