She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
