I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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