I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
