I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
two words: eviction party
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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