just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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