I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
