just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
