Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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