She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
