well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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