he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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