You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
