im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
