We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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