glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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