my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
