you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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