their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
