I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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