He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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