Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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