my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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