I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
