Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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