Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
