ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
