Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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