I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
