Can Purell be used as lube?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
