guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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