I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
