I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What drink are we having for lunch?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
