I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
