so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
